Self-Made Booty Call

Dear Whitney and Liria,

I have really done it this time. I think I've turned myself into a booty call in the eyes of a great guy. Can you help me fix this? I'd like to keep my options open and don't want to be seen simply as a late-night date. Here's my story…

We met at a friend's house after the rodeo. I was really into him. He felt the same. We exchanged numbers. I didn't hear from him for the typical week or two.

He invited me to a few parties. I'd stop by at the end of the night (after going out with my girlfriends) and have a drink or two and give him a quick kiss on the cheek. Nothing serious.

Then he invited me to his b-day bash and once again I showed up late… but not as late this time.

Well, That's when it started. We couldn't keep our hands off each other! We headed for his bedroom and didn't leave til the next day. He called the following week to see how I was. He made a few attempts asking me to meet him for a beer or come hang out. But every time he called I already had plans with my girls. So I would tell him I'd call when we got done. Well somehow I turned this great guy into a late night call.... a booty call.

It's not exactly what I wanted but I am not sure if I wanted to jump into a relationship either. How can I just as easily and casually get it back to the regular playing field? I would love to get out of this booty call slump before it is what we become to each other. But I don't want to stop having sex with him either.

What can I do?

Self Made Booty Call

Whitney Says:

Sugar Plum,

If you want to get back on an even playing field, you first have to get off your back!

Geezy Lou, talk about wanting it all right now. The problem is that your guy is not going to want to back pedal now that he’s gotten you horizontal. I think you may need to talk to your man and tell him that you are no longer into the booty call thing. Then inform him that if he wants to date you for real, it will involve actually leaving the bedroom. Do your best to keep your knees together for a bit though or you’ll wind up just the booty call again.

On a final note… quit eating meat! Try a lovely vegetarian recipe. WHITNEY'S FESTIVE FRITTATA will help keep you chaste!

Liria Says:

Note to Self,

Listen up! You can't play both sides of that fence. There's nothing wrong with riding this cowboy, you're just not gonna ride him into the sunset.

You've fallen into the modern party-girls courtship trap. You're trying to play like a man and you just weren't built for it. Now that you've trained this guy to see you as his 2am appointment, of course you want him to take you seriously. Like clockwork, it never fails.

You, my girl, never wanted a relationship with rodeo-dude or you would have thrown your girlfriends over at the first hint of love.

Unlike us, most men take no pride in taming a player... so odds of turning this around are slim. If you want to try, you're gonna need to go cold-turkey. No "booty call" and no "I'm partying with my girls" for you. Try something unexpected. See him in daylight. Tell him you're studying or visiting your grandmother next time he suggests the kind of late-night rendezvous you've trained him to expect.

If you make it past square one, READ THIS. You're not the only booty call-girl with questions, but you're the first to know you've made this bed yourself!

Comments

[Veronica From Mars]

Sounds to me like this chick has to decide what she wants before looking for advice. Either she wants easy sex or she wants to be a girlfriend. Take it from me, you can’t have both!

[Beth Ann]

How are girls so stupid?! Listen hear, Booty, you are well on your way to getting a slutty reputation if you aren’t already there. What stinks is that you didn’t put out right away either… but then you just went easy in the snap of a finger. Have some self respect!

[Angela]

I doubt there is any coming back from this…you trained him to treat you like this -

[Leah]

How do you know he’s a great guy - have you ever spoken him before 12am and sober? Ask him for date - say a picnic in the park in the afternoon and see if you want to date him or just keep him around for sex!

[Booty Call]

Yes I have spoken to him and before 12am. He actually courted me for 4 months. We went out on several dates. It was not something I planned when it first happened. And then I unknowingly at the time created this situation. Yes it was dumb. No I am not a slut. I was single for over a year after a four year relationship and this is the first guy I have slept with since then. We don’t always have sex when I go over there. But when he calls after I have already made plans with my girlfriends I don’t think it is right to diss them. and I didn’t want to seem like I didn’t have a life. Like I was just sitting around waiting for him to call me. And yes I shouldn’t call him after I have had a few drinks. But I want to see him and I am not thinking clearly. I am going to try and get us back on the dating track. I do not think I have a slutty reputation. I am 28 years old and have only been with a handful of guys and none of them in the same social scene. I didn’t come here for insults on me as a person I came here to find out what my next step should be in setting this all straight.

[Whitney & Liria]

In defense of Booty:
Girls, girls, girls… let’s not point fingers and call each other names. Remember that thing about glass houses. This is Whitney AND Liria here– we’re chiming in to say let’s be supportive of each other when we’re looking for advice. Remember the sisterhood?!

Our sweet Booty had a good question: How do you walk the line? Truly, it’s a tough line and more than one of us has fallen off of it.

When you inadvertantly turn yourself into a booty call, the solution is to put your booty on a temporary hiatus. Whether you talk to him about it as Whitney suggested or just arrange to see him during the day (and not in the bedroom) as Liria advised, you’ve got to get the realtionship on a new footing now.

Booty, that’s when you’ll be able to evaluate him and the kind of future you have together.

Now ladies, who else has been in this boat? We’re sure there are more stories out there. Let’s make Trap Him, Feed Him, Keep Him a safe place to tell them. Who’s first?

Whitney and Liria

[Beth Ann]

The bitchy Beth Ann here… I’m coming clean. I dated a guy in college. I wanted him so much and didn’t think that he’d want me so I took him anyway I could get him. I slept with him on the first night I met him and guess what? He never took me seriously and to make things worse, he told all his friends that I was easy. It took me years to get over it. So when I say, have some self respect, I guess I’m talking to myself too. I guess it’s more helpful to here the whole story instead of just the comclusion.

[Elise M.]

I don’t know how to tell you all this but I slept with my husband on the first date. Yep, that’s right–HUSBAND and FIRST DATE!!! Maybe not the norm but we’ve been together for six years and it’s still great

[Julie]

I don’t think there’s one rule that works for everybody all the time. I’ve waited a long time (like 5 weeks) before I slept with a guy and then once I did, he was gone. Elise sleeps with a guy on the first date and marries him… geez, what’s a girl to do?

[Claudia]

Julie, I think some guys are addicted to the first time. Maybe your guys was like that. I met a really nice guy at work and we dated for almost two months before I slept with him. We talked about everything and laughed all the time. But once I slept with him he never called again and when I saw him at work, he pretended that I didn’t even exist! I really was really upset about it and one of the other secretaries caught me crying in the bathroom. I told her what happened and that’s when I found out that he did the same thing to her!!!

I say good for Booty that her guy is still talking to her!

[Booty Call]

Thank you for all of your comments. I took the first step on Friday night. When he called me I told him I didn’t plan on things happening like this and it wasn’t my style. I appologized for turning his requests for dates down in the past but explained that I need a bit more time between his asking and the time of the date. I let him know that I was interested in him outside the bedroom and I would still like to get to know him. He agreed. My good friend at that time asked to speak with him (it was her b-day) she babbled for a few minutes then she spurted out the most horrible words ever…”Do you want me to drop my girl (me) off at your place tonight?” I wanted to hide. But she was drunk and is ready for me to actually give a guy a chance again. I was impressed that he actually had listened to me. Because he said “No tell her I will call her tomorrow.” And he did. Neither of us enjoy talking on the phone so our conversation was quite short. But at least there is a small glimpse of light!

[Swt_tart]

Hello ladies!

I actually sought out this topic because I'm in the EXACT same boat! I've been knowing this dude for about 2 years now, and we both left for college but stayed in touch. When we came back home we hooked up on a few dates and eventually it led to sex. When I realized that I wanted him more than just a booty call I tried putting "the booty" on hiatus, and that turned into a long long "why" type conversation. We both agreed to stop, and it was cool for the next 3 dates but then it started again. He's a musician and is on tour for the next six weeks. He's sent me "i miss you" messages, more than once. Does he really mean he misses me, or the booty? And when he comes back how can I start this thing over and fresh again????

[Em]

i am in a similar boat 2. although i will admit i am only 17 n have not slept wiv him yet. we chat online most nites n always end up doing bad/dirty things on webcam. he keeps suggesting we meet up 4 a bit more, but i want an actual relationship wiv him. as i havent slept wiv him yet, is there stil hope?

[Lily]

Well...I also slept with my now husband on the first night. No I wasn't a slut, I don't know what I was thinking that night. We are still together 12 years later. But he wasn't a player, and I think that makes a difference.