I Slept With My Friend's Boyfriend

Dear Whitney and Liria,

My friend Tammy just found out that I had a one night stand with her boyfriend. It happened way before they got together so it's not like he messed around on her. The problem is that she won't forgive either one of us and she's recently started flirting with my husband. I'm afraid that she's going to try to sleep with him to get even with me.
Help, what do I do?

One Night Was Enough

Whitney Says:

Dear Enough,

Ahhhh, the one night stand... what a pathetic pond in which to cast your reel. Being that this encounter only occurred once, I'm willing to bet that this man was a near stranger to you at the time. Of course if you read our column at all, you know that I don't endorse this kind of behavior as there is seldom a happy finish. But sadly you can't un-sink a boat.

You need to schedule some time with your friend and explain to her that you were sloppy drunk when you met her man and that you don't even remember doing the horizontal hokey pokey with him. Then tell her that you must be awful in bed because he never called you after your encounter.

Next, confide that your husband is awful in bed. This will have a two-fold result. 1.) Your friend should no longer desire a revengeful encounter using him as her stud. 2.) She will pity you and hopefully won't begrudge your one night of bliss with her man. The whole point of this exercise is to make her feel better about her life by making you look pathetic.

If you really want to make her feel great, put on some weight. Do this by making a big batch of my WICKEDLY SIMPLE CHOCOLATE FONDUE. Dip everything you eat into it, from your morning toast to your sandwich at lunch. Before you know it, you and your friend will be back on good terms!

Bon Appetite!

Liria Says:

Dear Enough,

Hang on to your dress size! Whitney is operating from the same outdated rules as your pal Tammy.

According to Tammy YOU broke the girlfriend code. Trouble is, her copy of the Girlfriend Rule Book is from 1953! No wonder she's mad. According to that edition you couldn't sleep with her boyfriend unless he WAS your husband. Otherwise you were "cheap" and "easy". Things aren't so simple any more.

Honey, you need to sit your pal down and give her the 21st Century edition of the rules. While there is NO rule about sleeping with her boyfriend before they became a couple, there IS a rule about loyalty which includes letting your girlfriend know as soon as you realize you've "dated" the same guy. Beyond that, no details.

Tell her that if she is more comfortable with her old, dusty rule book, it says she has every right to end your friendship.

One last thing: Tell Tammy that choosing to flirt her way into bed with your husband comes from the Desperate Housewives edition and that's against the rules.

PS: Note to boyfriend: No T-shirts or wearable art of any kind that reads "I've had Enough!"

Comments

[Takes the Cake]

Listen to Liria - hold on to your dress size - instead invite your “buddy” over to explain that what happened between you and her boyfriend is in the past and THEN serve HER Whitney’s recipe. Repeat until she is comfortable with what happened or at least ten pounds heavier!!

[Emily]

Some friend you have…if you believe that Tammy would try to seduce your husband to get even for events that happened in past, get rid of her now! God forbid you tick her off for something you did yesterday she’ll be boiling your pet rabbit on the stove. And pay attention to your husband, for goodness sake, if you think he’s capable of being seduced you’d better shore up that foundation starting now.

[Claudia]

I don’t think Whitney’s is following any misguided rules. After all she did say, you can’t unsink a boat. Enough didn’t fess up to her friend from the start, she probably just hoped that she’d never find out. This happened to me and my friend still doesn’t know. I wish I had told her when I had the chance because now it feels like I actually cheated with her husband. Which I didn’t! He and I had a thing long before he even met my friend. But still I have to say, honesty is the best policy. I only wish I had been! Now I know it’s too late.

[Liria]

Psst Claudia! Your comment is exactly the reason for the loyalty rule. We can’t guarantee that we’ll never have crossed paths with a friends’ new flame, but we CAN let our friend know immediately once we realize there’s an overlap. The way you feel is EXACTLY the reason for my advice. Thanks for sharing.

Okay girls, with our girlfriends, no secrets about their men!!

~Liria

[Veronica From Mars]

Liria,
I think Claudia and Whitney’s point was that we don’t alway do the thing that we know we should. If we could go back in time and change something we would. Your advice is great for what to do in the future but Whitney’s advice is great for what to do once you’ve already made the mistake.
Veronica