Hot For A Midget

Dear Whitney and Liria,

I'm a trapeze artist in the circus and I have the hots for one of the migets in the elephant act. I'm afraid to put the moves on him for fear of embarrasing myself. What should I do?

Flying Through the Air

Whitney Says:

Dear Flying,

For a woman who loves to talk, you have rendered me utterly speechless. This is kinky, kinky stuff. While I'm not going to tell you about my own adventures with the husband and the garden hose, it's safe to say that I have nothing against defying the norm in the boudoir.

So...I must tell you that I'm pretty sure your midget has had fantasies of getting slippery with a tall (because even if you're short to the rest of the world, you're tall to him) limber, trapeze artist. I see this as a no brainer. All you have to do is let the object of your desire know that you're interested and he'll be yours. You don't even need a culinary weapon here, although if you're interested, I would offer him an ITTY BITTY MERINGUE. It won't be so heavy that it leaves his tiny tummy bloated, but it will be a nice little sweet to set the mood.

With a little luck, the two of you will be Mutt and Jeff in no time! By the way, what does your man do in the elephant act? I'm almost afraid to know.

Fly with a net!

Liria Says:

Dear Fly Girl,

Is your letter a joke? If you're serious I've got to assume that under that lithe, limber, trapezy sort of frame, you look like Frankenstein. Well, Fly Girl, I'd use a different tactic. While having this little demi-dude should require no special skill, I can only imagine the ITTY BITTY MERINGUE is gonna kill the mood. I say feed him with optimism. Make my GIANT "HUNK-O-MAN" TOFFEE BARS. Haven't you heard that people live up to our expectations?

If you really do bark like a dog, Fly, by all means add alcohol to the mix. Even little people have their standards.

Happy swinging!

Comments

[Claudia]

I’m all for everyone getting their groove on, but paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalease, this can’t be for real! I mean I hate to be rude, but this feels perverted!!!

[Carol]

This HAS to be a joke letter! But no matter, I laughed so hard I cried!!! My friend just sent me the link to this site and may I say, I’m loving it! Keep it coming girls.
Carol

[Johnny Mail]

What are you afraid of , that the elephants are more appealing than you? Especially from the perspective he must have on the herd.
Just remember the Randy Newman song! “Short people got no reason to live.” Give him one you trampsleaze artist. Johnny mail

[Paul Smith]

Merci beaucoup pour votre article.

[dani]

Don't listen to the negative. I am 5 foot 2 and my husband of 10 years is 3 foot 1. Yes he's a little person but our relationship is just like everyone elses. We just filed for legal seperation and it has nothing to do with height.