Expecting

Dear Whitney and Liria,

I just found out that I am three months pregnant. The problem is that my boyfriend and I have only been dating for two months. We really love each other and I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him, so I'm thinking about letting him think the baby is his. Do you think this will work?

Expecting

Whitney Says:

Dear Expecting,

I am calling on all my training as a lady not to call you a whole slew of unsavory epithets. Yet the word "TRASH" seems to keep flashing through my head. The answer to your question is a loud and resounding NO!!!

I realize that you want to have your cake and eat it too, but passing off your child as another man's is not an option. When you began breeding, your first obligation became to you child. And while your baby will be much better off with a father, he/she will not benefit from your lie. Your child and your boyfriend WILL find out the truth one day and they will not thank you for it.

Therefore my recommendation is to quit watching Jerry Springer and level with your boyfriend. Tell him how much you love him (2 whole months worth!), then tell him the truth. Let him decide if he's ready to play daddy. Make him a nice big batch of Pigs in the Blanket to soften the blow.

Geesh!

Liria Says:

Dear Expecting,

Whitney Whitney Whitney… turn down the volume on your judgment, babe. Expecting isn't trash, she's simply a girl who doesn't care to be single.

Having a life before you meet a man is no crime. Unfortunately entrapment is.

What a clever girl you are though. Since you don't trust your two-month old relationship to withstand the truth, you've conceived a cunning lie to secure your family's future.

Your brilliant plan has every chance of working too, as long as neither your boyfriend nor any of his family or friends can count to nine.

Now would someone pass me the pan of White Trash Bars? The commercial's almost over and… hey, wait, isn't that Expecting on Springer?

SOUP IS GOOD FOOD!

Comments

[Johnny Mail]

You stupid BUNTcake. I’m sure you’ll raise an amazing child.
Johny mail

[Angie]

Do you at least have some idea of who the father is?

[Lisa in Beantown]

Oops…excuse me, so sorry…what? I’m not on the set of Days of Our Lives? This is a real letter? Hello? Do you watch trash tv? Don’t you know that lying and conniving never works? OK, it works for awhile, but it always comes back to get you. What about the real father? Don’t you think he should know about the bundle of joy in his future? Let’s talk to him before we try to convince the new guy that he’s the dad. I think he’s going to figure something is up once he realizes the due date and does a little “ciphering” (think Jethro from the Beverly Hillbillies). (I know, I know, I watch too much tv - I’m trapped in suburbia, what can I say.) Please, entrapment is a mild term for what you are trying to do. Entrapment would be getting pregnant because you “forgot” your pill or lied that you were taking them. This is just plain, old fashion deception.

[Lisa in Beantown]

PS You could try the “Come To Momma Coconut Cream Pie” to reel in the real father. Just trying to help!

[Leah]

Do yourself, your baby and this poor guy a favor…come clean and let him decide if he wants to stick around