Dating A Married Man

Dear Whitney and Liria,

I've been dating a married man for the better part of three years and I think he's cheating on me. Our plan has always been that we'll get married as soon as he leaves his wife. But now, I'm worried that he's going to dump me for another woman.

Heartsick in Sarasota

Whitney Says:

Dear Sick,

Hellooooo... McFly?... Is anyone home? Knock...knock...knock... First and foremost, you ARE the other woman; for three years none-the-less. I am clearly not going to vote for your continued relationship here. Mr. Man is already cheating on the woman he vowed to love, honor, and cherish. So chances are he was destined to cheat on you in the same way. The way I see it, you have two options.

1.) Break up with him immediately.

2.) Break up with him immediately and give him a small parting gift. After all, there is nothing like a little botulism to remember you by.

I suggest making him my OOEY GOOEY "Livin Large" LASAGNA with a can of tomotoes that has been left opened in the refrigerator for a month. Once you meet a better man, you can make him the same dish with fresh ingredients. I guarantee that he will hang around to see what you make next.

Vengeance is yours!

P.S. Being that I'm not legally allowed to recommend poisoning someone, please know that if you follow this advice, may it be on your head.

Liria Says:

Dear Sick,

One word, OxyMORON!! He can't be cheating on YOU. That you don't know this explains the liberal use of capitalization above. Brace yourself, Missy, you're already history. My best advice? Get ready for the big heave-ho with practice. Whenever I've been dropped I've softened the blow with two sure-fire remedies, my JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THESE APPLE MARTINIS and my Chocolate Chip Orgasms. At times like these it's important to remember the good things you can do for yourself.

Once you've moved on, try my "DUMB AS A DOORKNOB AND STILL CAN'T FAIL" MAC N' CHEESE.

Recipes I can help with. Can't do a thing for stupid.

Comments

[Veronica]

Oh my God, this woman is so stupid that I can’t believe we even share a gender! Get a clue Heartsick!!! If you mess around with a married man, you deserve what you get.
Veronica

[Claudia]

Veronica speaks the truth, Heartsick. My sister was fooling around with her husband while he was still married to his first wife. Guess what? He’s on wife #3 now!
Claudia

[Ann]

Good - I’m glad you think he’s cheating on you - how do think his wife feels!!

[Betty's Boop]

Let me guess, his wife doesn’t understand him, he stays with her because of the kid, he would lose to much $ if he left…cut your loses now, you’ve already lost to much time as it is, get some self respect and stay away from my husband!

[Lynn]

So what’s so great about dating a married guy? Is it spending the Holidays alone, sneaking around, or the waiting for him to leave his wife????

[Angie]

Dating a married guy can be tough - if he’s worth it - ask him straight out if there’s someone else, I mean other than his wife

[Leah]

I think it is wrong to give someone food poisoning no matter what someone has done. I have had it. It is worse than death. Not to mention you really could kill someone that way. I feel it is very irresponsible to give this advice. Besides why risk killing him and being locked up yourself when you can just use my bartenders trick and put a bottle of Visine in his drink and he'll poo his pants. Just make sure it's on his way out so you can make sure he gets it in his car.