He Won't Marry Me!

Dear Whitney and Liria,

My boyfriend and I have two children and have lived together for seven years. My problem is that he still hasn't proposed. How am I ever going to become his wife?

Always the Bridesmaid

Whitney Says:

Dear Always,

Close down the dairy girfriend!!! Your man has opted not to pay for his milk for too long. It's time to cut him off! Normally, I would say that if he hasn't popped the question inside of two months, you should leave. But sadly, you have done the unthinkable and already procreated with this fiend.

As a last resort, I would check the common law marriage rules in your state and if you find that your seven years of co-habitation have already made you his legal spouse, then hop on down to city hall and change your name. Your next course of action is to stop by Kay Jewelers and buy yourself a ring. Then let everyone know that you and Billy Bob are now man and wife. In fact send out announcements and see if you can snag some wedding gifts while you're at it.

Before resorting to the common law approach, I would make your man a batch of my MAPLE SYRUP MUFFINS. He might just drop down on his knees and propose right there at the breakfast table.

Keep your knees together and good luck!

Liria Says:

Dear Always,

Close the dairy? Whitney, that farm is all she's got. You've got to be practical here. Our girl forgot the cardinal rule of dating when she became a breeder... twice. While I do hate to rain on anybody's parade, I've got bad news. One little darling and you might have been able to pull it off. Two, and it's just way too late for you.

The good news? You can make him a batch of anything you want and enjoy it! If you're still hell-bent on matrimony, my poor little poster child for don't-let-this-happen-to-you, I have a plan. Surprise him by making his favortite meal and then ply him with the whole liquor cabinet (may I suggest making him a pitcher of our "IT'S A VERY LONG ISLAND" ICED TEA. In a pinch, who says you can't throw your own shotgun wedding?

Ready, Aim, Fire!

Comments

[Veronica From Mars]

This is a white trash conundrum if there ever was one! It makes me grateful to be single and childless (for once). It may be mean to say but I’m glad there’s someone out there whose grass is WAY less green than mine.
To quote a green martian from my childhood, gadzooks!
Veronica

[Cindy]

If the birth of his two children hasn’t made him propose I doubt anything will. - The question should be why do you want to marry a man that doesn’t want you - please! file for child support and get on with your life.

[Emma]

If the worse thing this man has done is not propose, give him a break! He can’t be all that bad if you’ve been together all this time and had kids together. Ease up!

[Wedding Favors]

Marriage is an interpersonal relationship with governmental, social, or religious recognition, usually intimate and sexual, and often created as a contract. The most frequently occurring form of marriage unites a man and a woman as husband and wife.

[Maxien]

men never wanna get married nowadays, they dont mind having the house, kids, car, dog, holidays and sex, yet they dont want to show their loved one how much they love them by getting hitched. They can take all of this from a woman who has prepared herself for a life with a husnabd etc, yet they refuse to give anything back. As long as he is safe, comfy and well looked after emotionally, mentally an physically he has no need to marry.

[Robert]

As a man's point of view - I would like to say that some men dont feel the need to get married for a variety of reasons just like a lot of women. Its a matter of personal choice. I am once divorced and now married. My wife is also divorced twice. My first marriage was 18 years, and if she had taken care of my children I might have stayed in the marriage but she refused to be a wife and mother so I left with the children, then there is the men (or women) that would rather not get married just in case someone better comes along. I would like to say to those that live in those relationships to just move on if its been more than a year and no commitment is made (when its appropriate - not when a person is young or still in college trying to find themselves). The type of people that are holding off hope for someone better will NEVER be happy with anyone they are with and your wasting your time.

[Rebecca Kraft]

Check out the book "Why Hasn't He Proposed?" it gives you a plan to make sure that he gets down the aisle, and will help you determine if your man is simply altarphobic and is never going to pop the question. Good luck to you...you sound like a very nice person and I wish you the best. Here is the link if you want it: http://www.amazon.com/Why-Hasnt-He-Proposed-Setting/dp/0071614966/ref=bxgy_cc_b_img_b

[Seductress]

Always,

Aside from Whitney's advice to find out the common law marriage laws in your state, the only other option you have is to leave.

Which I would not suggest because you have two children who need their father. The father YOU chose for them before you married.

You cannot "Make" someone marry you. If he is a good man and father which he must be since you want to marry him, just stay in the bed you made. If he marries you one day, great, if not, leave him when your kids are in college if you want to.

[Robert Jackson]

Marriage is an awful rip-off for men. All the advantages are for the women and all the disadvantages are for the men. Women have changed the legal system to make it very bad for men. The divorce courts are very stacked against men. Women are the ones who want to marry the most and 75% of the time it's the woman who wants the divorce. For a man, getting married is extremely stupid. You lose your money, your freedom, your independance, and your right to live the way you want. Sex also goes down drastically after marriage. Buying the cow presumes you can get all the milk you want, but in truth the cow stops giving milk after you buy it. After the kids are born, the woman gives all her love and attention to the kids and nothing to the husband. Marriage gives women far too much power to abuse a man. Women abuse men by being bossy, nagging, controlling, etc. Also women often pressure men into doing things all the time to make them happy in order to have sex. Marriage is hell. You women are so self centered. All you are willing to do is seen your own selfish point of view. You act like men are bad for not wanting to get married. But marriage is an awful rip-off and many men know this. So a huge percentage of men refuse to get married. Women abandoned their traditional role in western society, so hey guess what? We men can abandon our traditional role too!!! We don't have to be the chumps that buy you expensive rings and get married and become your slave. He guess what? We have a right to decide how we want to live just like you women do! We're not your frigging slaves. We're not cattle just waiting to do your bidding and obey your orders and sacrifice our lives for you. The words at the top of this page, "trap him, feed him, keep him" shows that women think of men as dumb animals to be trapped, manipulated, used, and abused for your own selfish purposes. We're human beings with rights and privileges. American women are ridiculously selfish and spoiled. We men aren't as stupid as you think we are. If you offer us a raw deal, we won't want it. For men, marriage is completely unnecessary and undesirable. If a man does get married, he gains nothing and all he can do is hope that his wife doesn't turn out to be a witch who doesn't make his life a living hell and/or financially ruins him. Women have this stupid fantasy that marriage is such a wonderful thing, but a lot of women are also miserable in their marriages. For one thing, they have to deal with a mother-in-law and in-laws.

[Jennifer]

Dude, a little bitter? You know they have therapy and medication for that. Don't stop, do not pass go, do not collect $200, but get thee to a therapist, quick, before you actually decide to procreate.

[mroadster]

Mr. Jackson says it right on. I notice how another poster called him "bitter" but yet did not dispute his post in a rational or analytical way. Instead, its name calling.

Let's assume Mr. Jackson is "bitter" - that doens't make the facts of what he wrote any less compelling. Men who do not want to get married for the reasons cited by Mr. Jackson are not "immature" - if you look at the dreadful deal that marriage has become for men (as Mr. Jackson properly referenced), they are actually very reasoned in their approach. Women who say, "Ignore all those facts, let's get married." - now that's immature.

[marie]

wow... its sad to see that people really give this kind of advice... what happended to having honest and open relationships... and since when Can us as woman be bought???
Sorry i aint no cow... i dont give milk... and i cant be bought... marrige is suposed to represent love.. its doesnt always anymore because no one thinks love is unconditional... why dont u simply ask him his view on marrige. and go from there. god dayum why is everyone so negative... ALways, you cant be bought... and if ur happy what a ring and a last name???
and by the way if he answers it doesnt meen anything to him, then all you have to say is well it meens something tome and since it doesnt change anything for u . why not do it my way.. marrige is about us.
Hope i helped..